It was late evening when Nandu asked the question.
The monsoon had come early that year. Rain battered the tin roof of
Baa's house in sheets, and the power had gone out an hour ago. They
sat on the floor of the front room with a single oil lamp between
them, its flame throwing long shadows on the walls. Baa was mixing
pigments in a brass bowl — red earth from the garden, ground to a
fine powder and thinned with gum arabic. Even in a blackout, her
hands did not rest.
"Baa," Nandu said. "Where is Thatha now?"
He had circled this question before — where did he go, what happened
to him, is he somewhere — peering over the edge but never leaning
in. Tonight, in the darkness and the rain, with the lamp making the
room feel like the inside of a clay pot, he asked it straight.
Baa set down her bowl. She looked at him for a long time. The lamp
flame trembled in a draft and steadied.
"Close your eyes," she said.
Nandu closed them.
"Now. Think of his voice."
Nandu sat in the darkness behind his eyelids. At first there was
nothing — just the rain and his own breathing. Then, slowly, like
a radio signal strengthening, he heard it. Thatha's voice. Not a
specific word, at first, but the texture of it — low, warm, with a
roughness at the edges like sandstone. And then a word came: Nandu-
boy. The way Thatha always said it, turning his name into two words,
the second one carrying all the affection in the world.
Nandu's chin trembled. His eyes stayed shut.
"Can you hear it?" Baa asked softly.
"Yes," he whispered.
"Now tell me — is that a memory?"
Nandu thought about it. It felt like a memory. But memories felt
flat, like photographs. This felt alive — warm, present, as though
Thatha were sitting right beside him, just out of reach, speaking
from somewhere very close that had no direction.
"I don't know," he said honestly.
"Good answer," Baa said. "Neither do I. But I believe this: the
soul — the real person, the thing behind the eyes and the voice —
cannot be seen. You cannot photograph it. You cannot think about
it properly, because it is bigger than thought. It does not change
the way bodies change. It simply is."
She tapped his chest, right over his heart.
"What you just heard — that is not your brain playing tricks. That
is him. Not his body, not his kurtas. Him. The part that was never
born and will never die. The part you cannot see but can feel —
closer to you right now than your own breath."
Nandu opened his eyes. The rain drummed. The lamp flickered. Baa
picked up her bowl and went back to mixing pigments, as though she
had said nothing extraordinary.
But Nandu sat very still for a long time, one hand pressed to his
chest, listening.